DAY SIX – “A Monster Performing a Mundane Task”

God I hate this. Go buy groceries for the party, she says. Why are we even having a party? We hate our neighbours and the last of our friends were run out-of-town months ago. But noooooo, we have to be neighbourly, she says. Maybe if we get to know them, they won’t run us out-of-town too. That’s about as likely as Dracs joining our softball team, Sunday afternoons! Ugh. Where do I even find bean dip? Maybe I’ll ask the guy re-stocking soda. Why though? He’ll just yell at me to go away or worse, he’ll run away screaming. I hate when they run away screaming. Okay, come on. We can do this. It’s just a human boy. I’m sure he’ll see that I am just trying to buy some groceries.

I mean, it’s like they think I’m going to eat them. I’m a vegetarian for chrissakes! If I was going to hurt anyone, why would I have tried to join the Neighbourhood Watch? Oh, that went real well, didn’t it? Forget it. I don’t think we really need bean dip any way. If she wants bean dip so badly, she can come buy it herself. Stupid party. I just want to sit at home and listen to my records and maybe have a nice scotch. Is that so demanding? No! I deserve it. That’s it. I’m putting my foot down. I am going home and telling her, absolutely NO party and if she doesn’t like it, tough cookies! Yes. Let’s do this. Just slowly put your basket full of goodies down and walk out. Come on! You can do this. One, two, three….OH WHO AM I KIDDING? I’m more terrified of her than the neighbours are. I better just finish this list. Stupid party. Stupid town. Stupid life. I never asked for this! Sigh. Oh well. Let’s just get through this one task first. Ah! There it is, bean dip. $9?! COME ON! What, did they use beans made out of unicorn poop? Speaking of unicorns, I should give Lady Amalthea a call. That would tick off the ol’ ball and chain. Serves her right for making me buy $9 bean dip. 

Okay let’s take a look here, have I got everything on the list? Looks like it. If I forget anything I’ll never hear the end of it. THE PARTY IS RUINED AND EVERYONE HATES US BECAUSE YOU FORGOT THE BEAN DIP YOU MONSTER! I can hear it now. Sigh. Maybe I should just let the pitchforks and torches get me. Bean dip. Come on.