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Posts Tagged ‘cheesey

An Optimist’s Guide to Climbing Mountains

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“Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what exactly it is you expect to find at the top of the mountain?”

“How do you mean?”

“What I mean to say is — how do you know it will be worth the climb?”

“Well, it’s simple really, the climb isn’t about what’s at the top of the mountain.”

“Then what is it about?”

“The climb is about what you’ll see once you’re there.”

“And what will you see?”


An Optimist's Guide to Climbing Mountains

Photo Courtesy of Jenna’s Doodles


Written by josiahh

June 26, 2015 at 10:29 AM

Untitled 852

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they loved each other
it was a selfish love
they kept it hidden from the rest the world
it was not ready for its beauty

they built a home for their hearts
their bodies would then follow
they did not need anything else
they would not have known if they did

they loved each other
it was anything but selfish
the world would be ready
but not today

Written by josiahh

January 3, 2015 at 11:27 AM

She Loves You Yeah Yeah Yeah

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He loved her, this much he knew, but the depths to which he did, not even he could comprehend. Her smile lit his entire world. He knew its detail right down to the spots she had damaged from grinding her teeth in her sleep. He loved those spots the most. He was enamoured with every last one of her flaws. He never saw them as flaws. He only saw them as parts of a whole. He saw them as what made her, her.

Her insecurities were rampant. She found accepting such unconditional love a difficult thing to do. She thought him a fool for loving a wreck like her, but oh, how she loved him too. His childlike optimism fuelled her on a daily basis. No matter how dire the situation, he found the silver lining and never let her fall back into her old habit of running away and hiding.

A leaky roof meant a closer connection to nature. She scoffed. When that leak turned into a hole, he praised the lord for providing them with a skylight. She cried, but inside smiled at his effort. Things like not having enough money for a nice vacation simply meant they’d get to spend more time with friends and family. She didn’t particularly like her family, but figured his was okay enough. He was her rock. She was his life.

The day he asked her to marry him came as a shock to no one but her. They’d never discussed marriage, and although she loved him more than anyone she ever had or ever could, she had never once in her life considered marriage a viable option. She was flabbergasted and annoyed with him for the sudden monkey wrench. She said no. She moved out the next day.

He drank himself to sleep nearly every night for a month. One night he had run out of Scotch, so he decided to leave the apartment and go to the corner store. He was still drunk from the previous twenty-seven bottles and hadn’t seen the light had turned red. He stepped out onto the road and was struck by car. He was rushed to the hospital immediately.

Later that evening, she walked into the room and sat by his side. She called him a stupid fool. She told him that she hadn’t slept that entire month. All she could do was relive the moment of his proposal over and over in her head and scream YES as loud as she could instead of no. When he awoke and saw her there at his side, the first words out of his mouth were once again a proposal.

This time she said yes.

DAY ELEVEN/TWELVE – “Favourite Character as a Zombie”/”Make Believe Occupation”

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We should have listened to that crazy Doctor. His name was Dr. Vincent Singh. He tried to warn us. His laboratory assistant was the first to fall victim. Who could have ever believed it though? An insane scientist claiming to have perfected cloning.

Of course, ‘perfecting’ certainly wasn’t the right word for it. He’d created an abomination and when he and his assistant, Jenks tried to undo the unconscionable, they only made things worse.

You see, it wasn’t actually human. Dr. Singh hadn’t perfected cloning at all. No, he had created a copy of a human being, but it lacked that essence in each of us that made us human. Some people believe it’s a soul, me? I don’t know what I believe any more.

It attacked as they tried to subdue it. “I’m wearing you down, baby. I’m wearing you down.” It taunted them relentlessly. It became overpowering and Jenks snapped. Dr. Singh claimed to see it in his eyes. He was no longer human. He was one with their abomination. He was Urkel.

It’s been fifteen months since the “infection” first spread. The entire world thought it was an elaborate hoax or some advanced viral marketing. We all thought it was just another  Buzzfeed “Hey, remember THIS” type of nostalgia. It was why no one believed what was really happening. We didn’t know the end of humankind was coming.  We were all wrong. It was nostalgia, but the nostalgia was spreading. It was taking over. You could fight it off at first, but eventually, you gave in to it.

There are a select few, myself included, who appear immune to it. We were recruited by the government, at least what’s left of it, to fight back. It has been a struggle but we have made minor progress in ending the relentless question of “Did I do that?” We are A.U.N.T.* and this is our story…



*Anti-Urkel Nostalgia Troops

DAY EIGHT – “An Outlandish House”

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This house! This house! This outlandish house
You wouldn’t believe what you saw in this house
A bowling alley with three hundred lanes
five separate hangars for ten separate planes
This house! This house! This outlandish house
You wouldn’t believe what you saw in this house
Ten thousand people and that’s just the staff
I’m telling you all there’s even a freaking giraffe!
This house! This house! This outlandish house
You wouldn’t believe what you saw in this house
The five hundred swimming pools are both in and outdoor
While each winding hall leads to another liquor store
This house! This house! This outlandish house
You wouldn’t believe what you saw in this house
There are Escher stairs for the hell of it
And a Labyrinth where at the centre the Goblin King sits
I swear that I’m telling you the god’s honest truth
Riding a unicorn I’ve seen Babe Ruth
And as he rode by
I heard him decry
Oh this house! This house! This outlandish house
You wouldn’t believe what you saw in this house

DAY FOUR – “An Unlikely Candy”

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Text if you can’t read it:

There once was a small jellybean named J.B.
J.B. went to Sugar High with the rest of his Candy friends.
His best friend was Henry the chocolate bar.
J.B. and Henry did everything together.
One day a new student came to Sugar High.
She was an apple named Motts.
The rest of the candy made fun of Motts.
They called her fruit and told her she wasn’t candy.
But J.B. And Henry came to her defense.
They reminded everyone that apples had plenty of natural sugars.
So Motts was as candy as the rest.
Now J.B. And Henry have a new best friend!
The end.

Light comes from within

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“Describe to me your perfect woman.”


“Very funny. I’m serious. Describe her. I don’t mean physically. I’m not interested in that. I mean describe Her to me, with a capital ‘H’.”

“Christ. I don’t know.”

“Yes you do. Imagine her directly in front of you right this moment. What is she doing?”


“Good. Again though, I don’t mean physically.”

“Neither do I. Her smile is so much more than that.”

“Go on.”

“It’s every cliché you can possibly dream of. I mean, when God said, ‘Let there be light,’ she smiled. It’s the type of smile that could pull me out of the deepest depths of hell and self-pity. When she is smiling, her entire soul is exposed and instead of that fact terrifying her, she only smiles larger. And her laugh, God, her laugh.”

“Describe it.”

“No, I mean her laugh IS God.”

“I’ve never known you to be a religious sort of man.”

“I wasn’t before I heard her laugh. Before I felt that smile. Before her eyes saw right through me and still accepted me. Still loved me.”

“Do you think most people who see you, don’t accept you? Don’t love you?”

“None of them would matter because of her.”

“And do you think you’ll find her? Do you think she exists?”

“I think I’ve given up most hope that she does, but maybe a glimmer. One last-ditch effort to break out of the darkness.”

“So, you’re really looking for a light. A guiding beacon, if you will?”

“I don’t know.”

“It sounds to me that is exactly what you are doing. The danger is that you are searching for this light in someone else. You won’t find it there. You won’t find it in a soul mate or in religion. It’s in you. It really is. It is a light that comes from within. I can see it. I can see so much of it in you. That glimmer of hope you speak of isn’t that there is a perfect woman out there and that you’ll find her, it’s that glimmer of light inside and it’s ready to break out and do for you what you hope this perfect woman will. I’m not saying that you won’t find your soul mate or that you won’t find happiness in God – even, but you have to find it inside first. You want to talk clichés? No one can truly love you, until you truly love yourself.”

“I don’t know what light it is you see in me, but at this point it’s just dying embers.”

“Then stoke them. It’s up to you.”

“One last thing though about that perfect woman…”

“Stop looking for perfection, you’ll never find it. You’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. Perfect doesn’t exist.”

“I know…”

“Then what?”

“I was just going to say that along with the smile, she’d better love Bright Eyes.”

“Look at that, a smile.”

“I guess I was due.”



Written by josiahh

April 29, 2014 at 4:22 PM