When it Rings Will You Answer?

One and One and One is Three

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there isn’t a light
a father that’s clueless
a mother that tried
a sickness that won
children that paid
i’ll love you forever
but i won’t ever forgive


Written by josiahh

May 19, 2014 at 2:44 AM

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DAY TWO – The Offspring of Two Unlikely Animals

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A proud Lioness had a bun in the oven

but none of the Pride knew who she’d been lovin’

And when she gave birth

the cub was not of this Earth

So they sent the Lioness off to the coven

Written by josiahh

May 2, 2014 at 7:27 PM

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Last night I had a dream that we went to Disney Land

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…went on all the rides, didn’t have to wait in line

Okay, that did not really happen, it is an Ataris song. However, last night I did have a random dream. I was at a Mad Caddies show. I believe the Opera House was the venue, although details have become hazy this morning and I might just be throwing the Opera House in the mix because that is where I saw them play over a decade ago. Seriously, the last time I saw the Mad Caddies was when they opened for NOFX in 2002 (shit, I just remembered as I was typing this that the show was at the Kool Haus, but I am too lazy to hit the delete button, editing is for dorks).

Where was I? Right, so, Harriet was all like, “Bitch please, er’body knows that Spiderman 3 was the best movie ever made.” Wrong story…hold on, let me just try to get back on track here…dream…Mad Caddies…Opera House…alright, got it…sorry ’bout that friendo…

So, I am at the Opera House (we’ll just stick with it) and the Mad Caddies are on stage. There are three other people in the crowd and they were Japanese. I guess we were the last bastion of the fortieth wave ska revival. I decided to camp out at the side of the stage, arms crossed and nodding my head (but skanking my little ska heart out on the inside). Despite the lack of crowd, the Caddies were killing it on stage. The other three people in the crowd were drinking heavily. They were becoming more and more belligerent. Picture if you will the scene from Kill Bill when Gogo Yubari is sitting at the bar drinking with the really drunk guy. Now picture three of those drunk guys at a random ska show in Toronto.

I am growing increasingly incensed at their shouting and general lack of courtesy towards the band on stage. I notice that the apparent ring leader of the group is trying to get up on stage. He is too drunk to accomplish his goal. He sets his sights instead on the set list taped to the stage. There is always someone at the show who wants the set list, but most will wait until the show is over to ask for it. This particular patron of ska decides that he wants, nay, he NEEDS that setlist RIGHT NOW. His first initial grab for the setlist is met by a stomp to the hand from the trumpet player. However, this does not deter said drunken fool from several more attempts.

The band was clearly becoming frustrated and the vibe in the room had soured. One more grab for the setlist and I had finally had enough. I grabbed him by the shoulder and he pushed me off. He tried for the list again and I grabbed him by the shoulder once more. He then swung for the fences (by fences I mean my face) and missed due to his beer induced lack of coordination. I have never punched someone in my life, but apparently in my dreams I pack one hell of a punch because I dropped him with one good shot. Security dragged him away. The room was suddenly packed and the Mad Caddies broke into “All American Badass.”

I have no idea what it all means (for instance, why were the drunk dudes Japanese?), or why this random dream is the one I decided to share, but if the Mad Caddies announce a show in Toronto any time soon, I plan to avoid it.


Written by josiahh

June 10, 2012 at 9:50 AM

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Is this thing on?

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A professor of mine once wrote (and I shit you not), “Josiah, you have the gift, please don’t ever stop writing.” It was easily the highest compliment I have ever been paid in my life. Because of that, I feel as though I have let her down. I haven’t stopped writing per se, but I certainly haven’t written anything on a regular basis. I most definitely have not written a single noteworthy thing since my days at WLU. I’ve tried to believe my own hype, but I just don’t consider myself all that interesting or entertaining.

Perhaps I will be a cautionary tale of wasted potential. Everyone needs a thing. That could be mine.

“Josiah? Yeah, he could have been great but he never even tried to be mediocre. Oh well. Not everyone is born to be someone.”

Better yet, maybe my thing could be getting famous by writing about how little I write. I could be the Terrence Malick of the blogosphere. I’ll trick everyone into believing there is some deep, hidden message in every second word only to reveal a confusing, sordid story of misadventure revolving around waiting in line at Tim Horton’s.

Meh. That seems like too much effort. I’d really have to make my one blog every eight years count, and I mean, who has the time?

I do? Yeah. You’re right.

How about this, my thing can be the one person in the world without a thing. Although I suppose going around saying I don’t have a thing might make me even less popular with the ladies. I promise, I have a great thing! Where are you going?! Come back!

I’ve lost my train of thought. I think my professor might have over-valued my ability to write. She did once also comment on my paper, “Josiah, you’ve said absolutely nothing of substance, albeit beautifully. Next time please try putting some work into the research portion of your assignments.”

I never did. Work is REALLY hard you guys!

Why are you still reading this? You must be bored out of your mind. That, or you are secretly in love with me. It’s cool. I’m in love with you too.

I will leave you with this, “there’s only one rule that I know of, babies – God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”

– josiah

Written by josiahh

May 12, 2012 at 1:20 PM

In My Life

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Howdy! Gather ’round friends, don’t be shy. That’s it, scoot right up. Perfect. I have gathered you all here today to impart my nearly 28 years of wisdom and knowledge on you. Not to worry, there will be punch and pie served during the Box Social at the end of my speech. So to the growling tummy in the back, you will be appeased.

Now, some of you reading this may be older than 28 and therefore feel as though your knowledge would clearly trump any knowledge I may be about to drop. To this, I say to you, sir or madam, you are most definitely….correct. However, I intend to keep you here for the duration of this blog. That’s right, the doors have been locked behind you. So, just sit there and listen. Feel free to picture me as Merle Haggard or whatever former celebrity crush you may have had when you were young. I hear Walter Matheau was quite the looker as a young man.

To those of you who are younger than me, and these days, that feels like the entire world, please turn off your cell phones. There will be no ‘Live Tweeting’ of this event. I have paid professionals in the front row covering the blog. The world does not need to be asked “OMG WHO IS THIS OLD BALD GUY? LOLZ! AND WHAT IS A MERLE HAGGARD???” or “WHERE IS JUSTIN BEIBER? LMAO!”

I will give you a moment to comply before I begin.

Thank you.

In my life, I have loved. I have lived. I have laughed. I have cried. I have learned. I have forgotten. I have been right. I have been wrong. I have soared high. I have crashed harder than I ever thought possible. I have won big. I have lost bigger. I have been lost. I have been found. I have been lost again. Directions were never my strong suit. I have been in charge. I have been submissive. I have longed. I have chased. I have conquered. I have used. I have been used. I have hated. I have hated beyond even the devil himself could possibly hate. I have been angry, lord have I ever been angry. I have accused. I have been accused. I have blamed, I have been blamed. I have been human. I am flawed.

In my life I have accepted all of this. I, as you are, am a work in progress.

I promised knowledge, didn’t I? Well, here is what I have learned, in my life:

1. Your family, no matter where they are or how long it’s been since you have seen them, will always be there for you. Do not abuse this. Even your family can become exasperated with your situation. Your family cannot fix you. Only you can fix you. Your family can and will support you.

2. Your friends, your TRUE friends, if you don’t know who they are at this point, you are out of luck. Consider yourself lucky if you do and don’t ever let them go. Your true friends are like your family. They will be there for you no matter what. Do not take them for granted. Don’t hold on to people who don’t hold back. If you are carrying their weight, let go. You are not as strong as you think. You will get tired. You will break down.

3. Do not make snap judgements about the above two groups. In fact, don’t make snap judgements about anybody.

4. I am legally obligated by Baz Lurhman to also ask you to remember to always wear sunscreen.

5. Know the difference between YOUR and YOU’RE. Between THERE, THEIR and THEY’RE. When to use SEEN vs SAW. Please, please, PLEASE!!!

6. If you are going to give someone your heart, make damn sure they are ready and willing to receive it. People move at their own pace. If the timing is not right, there is no way to force it without resentment eventually creeping in.

7. “Always love. Hate will get you every time.” – Nada Surf

8. Grudges, don’t hold ’em. This is one of the most difficult things I have tried to do. I am the King of grudges. I have no less than 15 current grudges. All of which I am desperately trying to let go of. If you are reading this and think I am currently holding a grudge against you, I probably am, and you probably deserve it, but, I am trying to let it go, so, there is that.

9. Soylent Green is people.

10. Anger is a dangerous thing. However, you should never surpress your anger. Do not keep it inside. If you aren’t angry, you are not paying attention. The key is to control your anger. Use it constructively for change. Do not use it as a weapon against your friends and family. DO use it as weapon against injustice and oppression.

11. The world does not owe you anything. Life is not fair. It is up to you to do something other than whining about it.

12. Neil Young is better than you, better than me, better than everyone. Just deal with it.

13. Read as much as you can. Turn the TV off. We have this wonderful thing called an imagination. You would be amazed at the things it can do.

14. CARE! Please. Care about SOMETHING! A cause. A person. ANYTHING other than yourself. I mean, obviously, care about yourself too, but please know that the world does not revolve around you. There are people in this world that need your help. If you can help them, HELP them!

15. Rock ‘n Roll can never die. In fact, real music can never die. Go out and see a live show as often as you can. SUPPORT LIVE MUSIC.

16. Don’t be afraid to voice your opinion. Don’t ever make someone feel stupid for voicing theirs.

17. Hating someone because of the colour of their skin or who they love is about as smart as handing over your banking information the that Nigerian Prince offering you millions.

I can see by the rolling eyes of the young and the snoring of the old, that none of this has sunk in. That is alright. It hasn’t even been fully absorbed by myself. The whole work in progress thing. It is also not meant to be preachy. Nobody hates a soapbox more than I do, but, I figure, why not try to spread some good. No matter how few people will even read it all.

Now, I must be completely honest with you, earlier I promised punch and pie and a Box Social. These were outright lies. Which leads me to my final point;

18. Don’t lie. Liars are pathetic. Honesty is not too much to expect of someone. If someone lies to you, they are not worth your time.

So, I guess this entire post was a waste of your time. My apologies. I promise to give each and every one of you punch and pie should we ever find ourselves hanging out.

Love always,

Josiah C. Young

Written by josiahh

January 19, 2012 at 12:36 PM

Short Stories with Tragic Endings

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I have decided to throw my hat into the torturous world of competitive writing. I expect to be a lamb to slaughter. I will be attempting to write a short story for the Toronto Star. First prize is a cool five thousand dollars and tuition for a writing course. I am not sure I have what it takes to bring it on home, but I will gladly frustrate the hell out of myself in trying.

Now, the question begs, what in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks should I write my story about? My difficulty will lay in the fact that I am not much of a story teller. I would say that I am more of a conversationalist in my writing style. In fact, the last time I wrote a short story was back in OAC Writer’s Craft. A mere decade ago at this point. That story, which sadly no longer exists as I am terrible at saving important things, revolved around a boy, his high school crush and walking her home on a cold winter’s day. If i remember correctly, it was, for a high school emo piece, largely influenced by the writings of Taking Back Sunday, pretty solid.

I have until 11:59PM on February 26 to write this thing. I WILL write this thing. I may have to start using drugs to get the creative juices flowing. Okay, no drugs. Seriously though, I am waiting for a topic, subject, character to jump out and scream, “WRITE ME!”

Stay tuned.

For any one else interested, here is the information for the contest:

Written by josiahh

January 9, 2012 at 1:27 PM

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I just realized…

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I’ve been sitting at home alone in my living room all day and I just realized that there will be all sorts of reduced price candy available in just about every store imaginable! Why in the H-E-double hockey sticks am I just sitting around here for?!

Oh, also, it is pretty freaking nice out there. So, maybe after pigging out on a six pound bag of Rockets and waking up from my diabetes induced coma, I’ll go for some sort of brisk walk.*


*guilt alleviated

Written by josiahh

November 2, 2011 at 2:47 PM

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