When it Rings Will You Answer?

One and One and One is Three

She Loves You Yeah Yeah Yeah

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He loved her, this much he knew, but the depths to which he did, not even he could comprehend. Her smile lit his entire world. He knew its detail right down to the spots she had damaged from grinding her teeth in her sleep. He loved those spots the most. He was enamoured with every last one of her flaws. He never saw them as flaws. He only saw them as parts of a whole. He saw them as what made her, her.

Her insecurities were rampant. She found accepting such unconditional love a difficult thing to do. She thought him a fool for loving a wreck like her, but oh, how she loved him too. His childlike optimism fuelled her on a daily basis. No matter how dire the situation, he found the silver lining and never let her fall back into her old habit of running away and hiding.

A leaky roof meant a closer connection to nature. She scoffed. When that leak turned into a hole, he praised the lord for providing them with a skylight. She cried, but inside smiled at his effort. Things like not having enough money for a nice vacation simply meant they’d get to spend more time with friends and family. She didn’t particularly like her family, but figured his was okay enough. He was her rock. She was his life.

The day he asked her to marry him came as a shock to no one but her. They’d never discussed marriage, and although she loved him more than anyone she ever had or ever could, she had never once in her life considered marriage a viable option. She was flabbergasted and annoyed with him for the sudden monkey wrench. She said no. She moved out the next day.

He drank himself to sleep nearly every night for a month. One night he had run out of Scotch, so he decided to leave the apartment and go to the corner store. He was still drunk from the previous twenty-seven bottles and hadn’t seen the light had turned red. He stepped out onto the road and was struck by car. He was rushed to the hospital immediately.

Later that evening, she walked into the room and sat by his side. She called him a stupid fool. She told him that she hadn’t slept that entire month. All she could do was relive the moment of his proposal over and over in her head and scream YES as loud as she could instead of no. When he awoke and saw her there at his side, the first words out of his mouth were once again a proposal.

This time she said yes.

Written by whenitringswillyouanswer

July 10, 2014 at 5:48 PM

Unrequited Love

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Written by whenitringswillyouanswer

July 10, 2014 at 5:20 PM

100% of the Shots You Don’t Take

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“How do you feel about her right now?”

“I don’t know how I feel. I’m trying to figure that out.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“It’s not. I swear.”

“Well you better figure it out soon because I can guarantee you that right now there are a million other guys who know exactly how they feel about her. Hell, I’m practically in love with her myself, and I’ll tell you this much, a girl like that has a lot better suitors than the likes of you. For some reason you have a foot in the door. Don’t fuck it up. Tell her why she should let you step in.”

“I have no reason to give her. I’m not sure she should let me in.”

“Well, then you’re a fucking idiot and you don’t deserve her. I’m telling you right now, find the words and just fucking say them, OUT LOUD, TO HER. Stop being a coward and step up.”

“And if she doesn’t feel the same way?”

“Christ. It’s obvious to everyone but you. You really don’t deserve her if you can’t honestly see it.”

“I KNOW.”

“You can spend your whole life looking for every little reason why you don’t deserve to be happy or you can just say fuck it all and be happy. It’s your choice. It’s that simple. I’m done trying to make you see that. If you want to be miserable and alone, then do it. Just know you blew your chance to be with an amazing person because you were too scared to tell her how amazing she was.”

“I don’t know.”

“I guess that’s the problem. It’ll be too late by the time you do. Figure it out, man. Figure it out.”

Written by whenitringswillyouanswer

June 23, 2014 at 6:04 PM

broken

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broken
abandoned
there isn’t a light
a father that’s clueless
a mother that tried
a sickness that won
children that payed
i’ll love you forever
but i won’t ever forgive

Written by whenitringswillyouanswer

May 19, 2014 at 2:44 AM

Posted in Uncategorized

He Sits Alone and Drinks

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he sits alone and drinks
he doesn’t know how he ended up here
while he pours another he’ll reminisce
i used to be happy, he”ll think
i used to have friends
he sits alone and drinks
he sits alone and thinks it’s everyone else but him
it can’t be him
another swig and the anger seeps in
another swig and he feels the tears
he can’t remember the last time
anyone had even asked him how he was
he can’t remember if anyone had asked if he was okay
he sits alone and drinks
he’ll trace it back to her
her memory will take the brunt of his temper
he sits alone and drinks because she went away
she went away because he sits alone and drinks

Written by whenitringswillyouanswer

May 18, 2014 at 9:20 PM

DAY EIGHTEEN – “A Destructive Force”

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“I love you so fucking much. Do you know that?”

“Of course I do and I love you too, but you and I both know that this just isn’t working.”

“Do we? I can’t picture waking up without you beside me.”

“You slept on the couch last night.”

“It was a figure of speech, darling.”

“And there is that tinge of resentment creeping into your voice. I’m so tired of feeling resented. I’m exhausted.”

“How can you think that? I don’t resent you. Not one single bit.”

“You gave up everything to move here and it’s not working. You’d have to be a machine to not even the littlest amount of resentment crawl into your heart. To be honest I feel it too.”

“You resent me?”

“I feel all this pressure from you. I feel like I have to be perfect to be the person you want me to be. I’m not perfect. I’m not that person. I’m a fucking wreck and it’s because of you. It’s because of how much I love you.”

“You think I don’t feel pressure? I had a career and friends and my family, and I put them all on the back burner to be here with you. To make this work. I didn’t make that decision lightly and I certainly didn’t make it alone. You practically begged me to move here.”

“I know. I know. I KNOW. I panicked. I thought I was losing you. I wasn’t ready for that to happen.”

“But you’re ready to lose me now? To lose us?”

“That’s not fair.”

“You’re fucking right it’s not fair. Nothing about this is fair. Fair isn’t even in the same fucking state as us.”

“I know and I’m sorry.”

“Oh. You’re sorry. Perfect. I guess everything will be peachy keen now.”

“What do you want from me? I’m trying to be honest with you and all you can do is stick to your passive aggressive sarcasm routine. Do you want me to pretend that everything is okay? I’ll wear a plastic smile until the day I die if that’s what will make you happy.”

“I want you to love me. I want you to be happy. I want to be happy.”

“And are you? Happy? I do love you. I love you with every last ounce of my soul, but I’m not happy. I haven’t been happy for a very long time. You can lie to yourself and to me as much as you want but you haven’t been happy either. I can see it in your eyes and I can feel it when you kiss me.”

“No. I’m not happy, but I still think we can be.”

“Deep down, do you really?”

“I love you. Isn’t that what matters?”

“I love you too. Please understand that I do. But sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes love is more destructive than constructive. We’re killing each other. We are. You have to see it. You have to feel it.”

“Maybe we’re meant to.”

“Kill each other? I don’t think I love you quite enough to kill you.”

“Well, I guess that’s something.”

“It’s a start.”

“So, this is really it?”

“I think it has to be.”

“For good? I mean, forever?”

“For now.”

 

DAY SEVENTEEN – “A Treehouse”

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I realized that this is a writing challenge. It doesn’t have to be a creative writing challenge. So, here we are. I am going to just keep typing until something comes to me. Treehouse. Treehouse. Treehouse. I was never an adventurous kid. I was always insanely cautious. I didn’t climb trees. The thought of getting stuck or falling was far too terrifying. My dad built us a treehouse when we lived in Thornbury. It was “late eighties/early nineties safe” and also had a balance beam for my sister.

The only real memory I have of the treehouse is that balance beam. For as cautious as I was, I was still a stupid little boy and that balance beam was the exact height of my stupid little head. I was outside, throwing a ball in the air and hitting it around the yard, emulating Joe Carter as best I could. I got a hold of one and launched it. Now, you hit a dinger, you’re supposed to take your time with the “home run trot,” but not this kid. Oh no, I was all about the hustle. I raised my arms in the air and ran as fast as I could. Rounding second base is where it all went wrong. I must have missed it entirely when in the midst of my celebration, fist pump run and gotten off course. Within seconds I was on the ground and crying my stupid little eyes out. How one can go from jubilation to pure sorrow in a matter of seconds is always a sight to see.

That balance beam gave me a goosebump for the ages on my forehead. More importantly, it taught me to show some class when you hit a monster shot out of the yard. You’ve got to show the pitcher some respect, even if that pitcher was yourself. Young Josiah learned karma that day. Then ran into a door knob and got a matching goosebump on the other side of his forehead, but that is a story for another time.

 

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